oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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