i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
