i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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