Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
