Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
