Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
