You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
