This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
