Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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