she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize