My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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