I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
