I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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