I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
