Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
