He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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