YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Randomize
