i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i think i have herpe
just one?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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