I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
and eventually we just all took our pants off
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
