Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize