Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
