Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
