Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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