please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
