Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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