My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
