dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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