You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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