3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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