So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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