It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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