I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
