She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
