i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How external is "for external use only"?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
