You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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