You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
