Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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