Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
