I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
