Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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