hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
