There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
