Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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