yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize