Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
