Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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