I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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