and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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