It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
