he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
