Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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