like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
