i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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