I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
