all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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