Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize