Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
