I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
a search helicopter?!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
