I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
