did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
