We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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