Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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