is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
