I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
