Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
