How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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