We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
