really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
