I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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